Bullying: ‘I Used Iron Sponge To Wash My Dark Skin Out’

By Yusuf Abdulkadir

I was excited when my parents told me I was going to a boarding school; I did not know that I was going to endure a lot of pain. All the books I had read about boarding schools then were nice and none ever painted a bad image of a such school.

“I got admitted into Federal Government College, Ilorin. My ordeal began the first day in class; I was nervous because I didn’t know anyone. I was sitting in the classroom at break time waiting for someone to walk up and talk to me, when a group of students walked up. One of them, a senior student, asked me if I had one particular textbook but instead of me to reply him, I was staring at him.

“He asked why I was staring at him like that. I didn’t stop staring because I thought he was foolish to be asking a new student for a textbook. Are you not that new student from my hostel? I answered in the affirmative. Then he said, go and lie down on the floor beside my bunk once we get to the hostel after closing. That was when I knew things had gotten serious.

“I felt embarrassed and humiliated in class as other students watched. After classes ended that day, I got up and ran to my hostel. I was trying to avoid him when I got a slap from behind. I was about to turn back and retaliate when I realized it was this so-called senior. I was confused; I was scared and didn’t want to get in more trouble, so I started begging. He didn’t care. He asked me to lie down and he began to flog me with his belt. Something my father never did.”

Several years after graduating from secondary school, Temidayo Jacob recounts with nostalgia the bullying experience he had while in school. Though it is in the past, Jacob could still recall what he felt some of those times and how he once thought about quitting.

I felt like I didn’t belong at that boarding school and thought about quitting. But when I realized bullying was a normal thing in school, I decided to move on and live with it. You either bully or get bullied, either way, school goes on. I focused and studied hard and eventually, I made it through those tough years.

Bullying does not only occur in schools, Amirah Yakub was bullied in her area by people around her. According to her, “I felt bullying was a normal thing to occur to a person,” she said as she shared her experience with bullies. “I was bullied for years in my home area, Oshodi, Lagos State.

“I was very dark in complexion and innocent but I hated my skin color and that was because people around me called me names such as; Gorilla, ikokodudu (black pot), adogan (charcoal pot), ajadudu (black dog), black coffee (which I eventually uses as my nickname). My skin, to them, was too ugly that they could compare it to anything that I felt was not worthy. I grew up not liking myself or my skin color.

“One day I decided to use an iron sponge on my skin just to get rid of the color,unfortunately, it didn’t come out. The skin is mine and it’s too beautiful to get rid of. I was bullied for many years and I believed that it was right to be bullied. Thank God for self-improvement and self-awareness.

Bullying have become common place in our society, among students in secondary schools, especially boarding schools, in homes, workplaces, and others. It is now perceived as a norm in some homes and schools; with believe that it is normal for an individual to be bullied by peers and for senior students to bully junior students.

Bullying has eaten so deep into our social structure that is now seen as a tradition where individuals and students at all levels pass to one another. You are most likely to hear words like “worse was done to me, me sef go suffer others” from students.

Bullying usually leaves physical, and emotional trauma, it also has a psychological and moral impact on the victims. When a child is bullied it affects his self-esteem and brings low confidence thereby leading to depression or suicide at worse. Morally it may change the personality of the child from being a good kid to a bad kid.

The Dowen College bully case of Sylvester Oromoni, a JSS2 student who was allegedly bullied by colleagues in the school hostel and died as a result few days later in Lagos and that of, Yahaya Nuhu Aliyu who was reportedly beaten to death by his teacher for failing to complete his assignment in GSS, Kwali Abuja just to mention a few, brought to fore the severity and how deep bullying has gone in our system.

These are few stories among millions of known and unknown cases of bullying in schools and our immediate environment. Felicia Okocha, the Director of the Future Hopes Child Aid Foundation said bullying is a threat that no school, home or place of worship should disregard.

She said bullying has cut short many talents while some live with lifelong injuries. “We have heard stories of students who were victims of bullying and sometimes, it seems like an acceptable culture in our schools. Unfortunately, it has sent some students to their early graves, cutting short talents, while some sustained lifetime injuries, both physically and mentally.

Okocha said an anti-bullying programme in schools is one of the effective ways to curb the growing menace. “We have asked several times why schools are not putting in place anti-bullying programs. Previous research has shown that many school-based anti-bullying programs are effective. As an organization centered on child welfare, we have had sensitization programmes on bullying and its effects across eight schools in Nigeria and we look forward to extending to other regions in due course.

“We believe that sensitizing the children on the effects of bullying on both the perpetrator and victim will greatly help them in unlearning most of the bullying patterns they have cultivated over time. A group of students once approached us in one of the schools we had our outreach programs and pleaded to us to speak to the school authority to place heavy sanctions on bullying, because it was rampant. They said their teachers and senior colleagues make life unbearable for them in the school”.

She added that students have the right to a safe learning environment “It’s the right of students to learn in a safe, enabling, and comfortable environment without fear.” She reiterated that, “We also plan to set up anti-bullying clubs in schools; we believe that it is not enough to just sensitize the children, it is also important to follow up and help them through the unlearning process.

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“It doesn’t matter if you are a student, educator, parent, adolescent, or a community member, everyone has a role in the prevention of bullying, which most people have directly or indirectly participated in, witnessed, or experienced some form of bullying in schools,” she added.

Okocha also emphasized the need for teachers, parents, and members of society to constantly sensitize the students about bullying and encourage the victims to speak up always and not die in silence. “Schools need to have policies in place and procedures that are enforced. Bringing anti-bullying into every part of the curriculum can also help a great deal.

“For example, language arts/literature teachers can find novels that would teach students empathy for others. Parents should also pay close attention to their children and instill the right values in them and model the right behavior to them.”

With joint efforts by parents, teachers and the right stakeholders in our community, bullying can be reduced to the barest minimum. Yakub said she believes bullying can be curbed by teaching children and student kindness.

“I believe bullying is something that can be curbed and there are many ways to do that some of which are; teaching kids to see good in the things around them, teaching them to be kind and positive enough to recognize goodness, avoid any adults who say nasty things even when they say they do not mean it. Create a serene environment because every change starts with you and standing up for anyone you come across that is been bullied by other people”.

Temidayo said parents and teachers should educate their wards on bullying and teach them to speak out. “Students should be taught empathy and kindness and also to speak out when they are been bullied. Schools, especially boarding houses should implement laws against bullying or it should become a judicial issue. With these measures, I believe we can combat bullying and spread more kindness in boarding schools and our environment at large.”